Margaret sighed, as if standing on the verge of some new horror.
He began again, speaking rapidly, as if to get over a set task:. Margaret, how I love the holy Church from which I am to be shut out! Margaret could not tell what to say; it seemed to her as terribly mysterious as if her father were about to turn Mahometan. The one staid foundation of her home, of her idea of her beloved father, seemed reeling and rocking.
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What could she say? What was to be done? The sight of her distress made Mr. Hale nerve himself, in order to try and comfort her. He swallowed down the dry choking sobs which had been heaving up from his heart hitherto, and going to his bookcase he took down a volume, which he had often been reading lately, and from which he thought he had derived strength to enter upon the course in which he was now embarked.
She took his hand in hers and grasped it tight, but she could not lift up her head; nor indeed could she attend to what he read, so great was her internal agitation. Oldfield, minister of Carsington, in Derbyshire, a hundred and sixty years ago, or more. His trials are over. He fought the good fight. Then he read aloud,—. When God will not use thee in one kind, yet He will in another.knotliviwell.tk
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A soul that desires to serve and honour Him shall never want opportunity to do it; nor must thou so limit the Holy One of Israel, as to think He hath but one way in which He can glorify Himself by thee. He can do it by thy silence as well as by thy preaching; the laying aside as well as thy continuance in thy work. It is not pretence of doing God the greatest service, or performing the weightiest duty, that will excuse the least sin, though that sin capacitated or gave us the opportunity for doing that duty. Thou wilt have little thanks, O my soul! I have borne long with self-reproach that would have roused any mind less torpid and cowardly than mine.
It is not a month since the bishop offered me another living; if I had accepted it, I should have had to make a fresh declaration of conformity to the Liturgy at my institution. Margaret, I tried to do it; I tried to content myself with simply refusing the additional preferment, and stopping quietly here,—strangling my conscience now, as I had strained it before. God forgive me! He rose and walked up and down the room, speaking low words of self-reproach and humiliation, of which Margaret was thankful to hear but few. At last he said,.
He has been most kind; he has used arguments and expostulations, all in vain—in vain. They are but what I have tried upon myself, without avail. I shall have to take my deed of resignation, and wait upon the bishop myself, to bid him farewell.
That will be a trial. But worse, far worse, will be the parting from my dear people. There is a curate appointed to read prayers—a Mr. He will come to stay with us to-morrow. Next Sunday I preach my farewell sermon. Was it to be so sudden then? To her surprise, her father began to walk about again before he answered. At length he stopped and replied:. I cannot bear to give pain. Margaret was almost overpowered with the idea that her mother knew nothing of it all, and yet the affair was so far advanced!
Because I know no one there, and no one knows Helstone, or can ever talk to me about it. But he, with his quick intuitive sympathy, read in her face, as in a mirror, the reflections of his own moody depression, and turned it off with an effort. Only help me to tell your mother. I think I could do anything but that: the idea of her distress turns me sick with dread. If I tell you all, perhaps you could break it to her to-morrow. I am going out for the day, to bid farmer Dobson and the poor people on Bracy Common good-bye.
Part VI - Wisdom and Other Psychological Constructs
Would you dislike breaking it to her very much, Margaret? Margaret did dislike it, did shrink from it more than from anything she had ever had to do in her life before. She could not speak, all at once. You must have many painful things to do.
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Hale shook his head despondingly: he pressed her hand in token of gratitude. Margaret was nearly upset again into a burst of crying. You and mamma have some money, independent of the income from the living, have you not? Aunt Shaw has, I know.
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I suppose we have about a hundred and twenty pounds a year of our own. Seventy of that has always gone to Frederick, since he has been abroad.
A hundred is left. Could not you, and I, and mamma live on a hundred a year in some very cheap—very quiet part of England? I think we could. I must do something! I must make myself busy, to keep off morbid thoughts. Besides, in a country parish I should be so painfully reminded of Helstone, and my duties here. I could not bear it, Margaret.
And a hundred a year would go a very little way, after the necessary wants of housekeeping are met, towards providing your mother with all the comforts she has been accustomed to, and ought to have. No: we must go to Milton.
That is settled. They make me so undecided. Margaret resolved to keep silence. After all, what did it signify where they went, compared to the one terrible change? Bell—you remember Mr.
Bell, Margaret? But I know who he is. He is a Fellow of Plymouth College there. He is a native of Milton-Northern, I believe. At any rate he has property there, which has very much increased in value since Milton has become such a large manufacturing town. Well; I had reason to suspect—to imagine—I had better say nothing about it, however. But I felt sure of sympathy from Mr. He has lived an easy life in his college all his days.
But he has been as kind as can be. And it is owing to him we are going to Milton. Some want their children to be better instructed than they themselves have been. At any rate, there is an opening, as I have said, for a private tutor.